Hitting on ladies is hard especially when it's their time of the month
by reikohawkeye
Summary: An OkiKagu fanfic. Kondo, Hijikata and Okita were heading towards the hostess club to teach Okita how to hit a lady properly. Yet, the trio doesn't know what trouble lies ahead with them. When I say trouble, I mean the Yorozuya.


**Hitting on ladies is hard especially when it's their day of the month.**

An OkiKagu fanfic. Kondo, Hijikata and Okita were heading towards the hostess club to teach Okita how to hit a lady properly. Yet, the trio doesn't know what trouble lies ahead with them. When I say trouble, I mean the Yorozuya.

* * *

It was once again a busy night at the streets of Edo. Crowds of men were enjoying sake at stalls and some gambled with all their might. Meanwhile, three figures walked together towards the famous hostess club. A man with a goatee and a face resembling a gorilla lead the two men following him. The second was a man with short black hair with a serious pair of gun-metal blue eyes. Lastly, there was an innocent-looking young man with wine red eyes. The trio stood before the hostess entrance and the man with a goatee began the conversation.

"Sougo," he said proudly, "this is the time where you must learn how to get a girl." He turned to face the sadistic boy with a smile. "Especially you're already at that age."

"I don't get why I have to be a part of this," the black haired man said taking a cigarette out of his pocket, "can't you just go together instead of including me, Kondo-san."

Kondo flared his nostrils. "You're an adult too, Toshi. You should at least help him."

Okita Sougo wasn't the kind of boy who would do that. He would mostly make fun of the Yorozuya trio and battle with the China girl but tonight he was treated like a clueless teenager. He had no idea why his commander dragged him into this.

_He probably wanted to see Otae-san again, _he thought.

After Kondo and Hijikata's debate, the trio entered the hostess club. The trio was welcomed with four ladies. The three of them stood frozen when they saw their customers while one just casually smiled. One of them was wearing too much make up while the others looked like men cross-dressing. Okita was surprised that the three of them resembled the Yorozuya. Wait, they _are_ the Yorozuya. Before Okita had warned his companions, the orange-haired girl wearing to much make up interrupted him.

"Select your choice, sir," her right eye twitched with rage, "we're not suspicious people."

The two cross-dressing men brought the girl down along with them. They were sharing whispers.

"Oi, you're too suspicious," the one with glasses said, "Our cover might be blown."

"Exactly," agreed the silver white haired one, "would you want us to not get our payment from the club?"

They ended their conversation when the hostess with the ponytail forced them to go up. The silver white haired "woman" introduced herself along with the one with "girl" with glasses.

"I'm Paako." The silver haired woman said with uneasiness.

"I'm Pachie." The one with glasses said while _her_ hands were shaking.

The other two females ushered the trio to their seats. Kondo immediately aimed for the girl with the ponytail.

"Otae-san!"

"I'll call the police if you're going to do that again." Otae threatened him.

"We are the police." Hijikata corrected.

All of them sat down and started to talk. Meanwhile, Okita was still observing the three women with his usual deadpan look. The orange haired girl grabbed him by the collar and gritted her teeth.

"What would you like to get from me?" she raised her fist, "a punch on the face or on the balls?"

"Oi," he retaliated, "you're ugly face is already painful enough for me."

Kagura released her grip, "you better not tell anyone about this," she said, "this club was short on hosts tonight-aru."

"I would do that if you beg and kneel down to me." Okita replied with a mischievous smile.

"You, bastard," Kagura almost lost her control, "I'd never do that in a million years."

Before Okita was about to insult her, Kondo slapped him on the back and said.

"Watch and learn, Sougo," he laughed holding his drink, "this is how you hit a lady."

Kondo shuffled himself towards Otae's seat.

"Otae-san," he said while blushing, "you look beautiful."

Otae smiled and did an uppercut punch on Kondo sending him to land to the other side of the seat. "Of course, I always am."

"Looks like you're hopeless when it comes to hitting ladies, Kondo-san." Hijikata complained while smoking his cigarette.

He then turned towards the "woman" who sat next to him, Paako. He felt like he had seen her from before and at the same time didn't. Paako only frowned and gave him an angry expression. Hijikata then couldn't hold his curiosity.

"Um," he asked awkwardly, "have I met you before?"

Paako then crossed _her _legs and picked her nose using _her_ pinky. "I believe not."

Hijikata then lit another cigarette. "Don't get the wrong idea," he said, "it's just that you looked like a guy."

Paako couldn't act like a girl anymore and started to slap Hijikata. Hijikata was startled.

"What was that for?"

"For calling me a man."

Everything went chaotic. Pachie just watched the hostesses and the customers trade blows of insults at the same time hits. _She_ then stood up and started correcting them. Meanwhile, Okita and Kagura were trading punches.

"I just wanted to wear makeup," Kagura said while sending out a punch, "you sadist."

"Then find someone to fix your face," Okita dodged her punch, "you look like a clown."

"Say that again," she threatened, "I'd write you in my Death Note."

"Stop including references nobody would get," he sent a punch, "you're confusing the readers."

Kagura dodged with a back flip and landed on her feet while Okita prepared a boxing stance. They continued to fight. The rest of them also were in awestruck as they saw the two of the fight. None of them recognized where there hands or feet were going. They were like monsters with multiple arms. Then it was settled when the two of them lost their pattern and the both slid backwards. Kagura stopped her slide with her foot while Okita stopped it by bending his knees. The others stopped watching and then continued to insult each other. Kagura jumped and prepared for a flying kick. Okita got her leg and sent her flying at the corner. She landed again with her feet and cursed under her breath.

"It's useless," Kagura said, "you'll never attract a girl with you personality, you sadist."

"I didn't want to attract one anyway," Okita laughed. "Since, you seem to like me already."

"Since when was I attracted to you?" Kagura yelled, "I think you're the one who likes me."

"If I did," Okita caught his breath, "I'd kiss you."

He approached Kagura. She thought it was another attack. This time it wasn't. Okita took out his bazooka and blew off the wall. Everyone was startled by the sound and when they were about to turn, the two of them were gone.

"Ah," Otae smiled, "young love."

"Good going, Sougo!" Kondo yelled.

"I think he just found himself a rival, Kondo-san." Hijikata said.

"More like a love rival." Paako said.

"I agree," Otae agreed, "I love how the story is focused on them."

"After all, this is an OkiKagu fanfic." Paachie added.

"Next time," Kondo joined in, "it should be an Otae-san x Kondo fanfic."

Otae ended their conversation with a kick to Kondo's face.

* * *

Okita smiled. "Let's continue this outside."

Kagura nodded. "I agree with you this time, idiot Sadist."

Kagura punched but Okita dodged and held her arm.

"Admit it," he insulted, "you like me."

Kagura gritted her teeth. "Who would like the king of Sadists?"

"Apparently," Okita said, "ugly faces like you."

Kagura attempted to punch him but Okita dodged. Kagura repeated punches and kicks but Okita dodged.

"Stop being such a coward, sadist." Kagura taunted.

Okita only gave his deadpan look and continued to dodge. He stopped and then dodged Kagura's last punch with a kick. He grabbed Kagura's arm and pulled her closer to him.

"What are you-"

Kagura was interrupted when Okita suddenly locked lips with her. She then struggled of him and covered her lips.

"W-w-what was that for?" Kagura shuddered.

Okita laughed violently. "Your expression looks priceless."

He turned away from her and then waved his hand. "I win."

Kagura yelled. "It's not over yet!"

She ran towards and rapidly grabbed his arm. He threw him back inside the club and kicked him on the shin. Okita bit his lip to endure the pain. He then gained control and pinned Kagura to the wall.

"You're so weak," he laughed. "Especially when you're in this situation."

Kagura blushed. "I-i-I'm not that kind of girl, you sadist."

"Just say you like me, already," Okita complained, "stop acting like the tsundere queen."

Kagura then sighed. "Fine," she gave up, "I like you."

Okita was left awestruck. Was it for real? She gives up so easily and that isn't like her. Before he could realize it was a trick, Kagura landed a kick on his sensitive part.

"I win." Kagura laughed like a maniac.

He was caught off-guard. He was impressed and the pain on his balls was the same as his feelings when he thought she liked him for a moment. He looked at the time on the wall. It was already late. He then decided to shut his eyes just for a short while.

When it was morning, the manager of the club found the place really broken. ¼ of the walls were broken and there were seven people unconscious on the floor. The others were lying in the weirdest poses. He suddenly saw a couple of young people sleeping together. The sandy brown haired boy slept next to the tired orange haired girl. He thought for a moment that the girl smiled for a moment, as if… she was happy.


End file.
